The Muppet Show: Season 5

Guest: Gene Kelly

27min - It just might be the end of the world – especially when guest star Gene Kelly announces that he won’t be performing in the show, and plans to sit and enjoy it instead. But when he offers to teach Kermit how to dance, a little hoodwinking on the frog’s part gets them both onstage, where they wind up doing a pas de deux with the old soft-shoe! ’S wonderful how marvelous this episode is, with highlights that include Kermit and Gene’s tap-dance lesson; the staff of Veterinarian’s Hospital awaiting the world’s end; the Swinetrek crew approaching the universe’s end; and Gene performing a closing medley with the Muppets!

Guest: Loretta Swit

27min - When Miss Piggy plants a scoop in the tabloids about Kermit and her, he blows a gasket and fires the pig. Piggy swears the show can’t go on without her, but the hotheaded frog doubles down, replacing her with guest star Loretta Swit. The diva starts to pack her bags – but when Loretta and Kermit get a little too cozy, she settles on a better plan! Prepare for manic Muppet mayhem in this maniacally mirthful episode, with highlights including Veterinarian’s Hospital with Nurse Loretta; Rowlf and the gang rehearsing “Auld Lang Syne”; Miss Piggy’s showstopper “Some of These Days”; and Pigs in Space with two First Mate Piggys!

Guest: Joan Baez

27min - Rizzo and the rats are causing trouble at the theater. At first, the rambunctious rodents are content to simply bedevil Kermit. But when the harried frog tells Beauregard to “take care of” them, Beau offers them food instead. Now that they’ve raided the fridge, why should they stop there, when they can take over the show -- and then the world! On this rat-dical episode, Rizzo and his chums invade the Swinetrek on Pigs in Space; Fozzie takes his comedy act to the woods; and guest star Joan Baez brings everyone together for a performance of “Will the Circle Be Unbroken.”

Guest: Shirley Bassey

27min - When Kermit sends Scooter to buy gold paint for guest star Shirley Bassey’s closing number, the gofer returns with $50 million dollars’ worth of gold bullion! Turns out Bruno the security guard is lending them the bricks because he’s a fan of Shirley. He’s suspicious of the frog though – especially after a gold bar disappears from the stack! This episode is the gold standard, featuring “Barnyard Boogie” with Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and other Muppets; Dr. Bunsen Honeydew converting gold into cottage cheese in Muppet Labs; and Shirley Bassey performing “Pennies from Heaven” and “Goldfinger.”

Guest: James Coburn

25min - The Muppet Show cast is thrilled – and slightly nervous – about having “tough guy” guest star James Coburn on the show. But when James shows Animal the correct way to destroy a chair, Animal is wowed and becomes his eager pupil. Teaching Animal how to relax and become a Zen percussionist is harder though – especially when he gets hold of a gong! This extremely serene episode includes a salute to the Roaring ’20s featuring Big Jimmy and Gonzo; Banana Nose Maldonado in Bear on Patrol; and a running octopus joke!

Guest: Glenda Jackson

27min - When guest star Glenda Jackson and her penguin show up backstage, everything’s fine – till she reveals that her bird’s really a parrot, and she’s Black Jackson the pirate! She and her crew take over the ship and cast off to sea…though Kermit insists it’s a theatre, not a boat! As the chaos spreads, the outraged frog does the unthinkable – he quits! This ocean-tossed episode contains treasures such as Gonzo performing “Workin’ at the Car Wash Blues”; Fozzie’s comedy act being hijacked by pirates; and guest star Glenda Jackson leading her crew in “A Capital Ship” and the Musical Battle at Sea.

Guest: Senor Wences & Bruce Schwartz

27min - The Muppets are trying something brand-new, something they’ve never done before – a puppet show! Gonzo doesn’t know what a puppet is, and once it’s explained, he thinks the whole idea sounds dull. But when Fozzie’s dancing clown act ends in disaster after the marionette rebels against his strings, Gonzo decides puppets are very interesting indeed! This maniacally magical meta episode features Pinocchio singing “Puppet Man”; Beauregard’s Punch and Judy show, guest star Bruce Schwartz telling a Bunraku ghost story; and guest star Señor Wences performing with Cecilia Chicken!

Guest: Debbie Harry

27min - When Kermit says Robin’s Frog Scout troop can visit the show, he doesn’t mean now, but it turns out they’re already there: to see guest star Debbie Harry and earn punk merit badges! So when Gonzo’s wrestling match with Quongo the Wild Mountain Gorilla is suddenly canceled, it’s easy for them to take over onstage. A Frog Scout is always prepared! Highlights of this punkadelic episode include Quasimodo (played by Mulch) and a Gargoyle singing “For Me and My Gal”; the Swinetrek crew battling a meteor storm in Pigs in Space; and guest star Debbie Harry performing “Rainbow Connection” with Kermit, and “Call Me” with the Muppet punk band!

Guest: Jean-Pierre Rampal

27min - Mademoiselle Piggy grows weary of being the only refined person at the Muppet Theatre. Lucky for her, Kermit has informed guest star Jean-Pierre Rampal that she speaks fluent French, and the flautist looks forward to chatting with her in his native tongue. Alas, the pig must beg off, as she’s come down with a sudden case of laryngitis…of the ear! This episode elevates the Muppet madness with such cultured fare as “Rockin’ Robin” performed in a tree by the Electric Mayhem; Fozzie arresting a car in Bear on Patrol; and Jean-Pierre dueting with Miss Piggy on “Lo! Hear the Gentle Lark,” as well as playing the Pied Piper in a highbrow version of “Ease on Down the Road”!

Guest: Paul Simon

27min - In honor of guest star Paul Simon, the Muppets dedicate the entire show to his music. The Great Gonzo is so inspired by what he hears that he decides he wants to be a songwriter too! But what starts out as mutual admiration between the troubadours quickly devolves into a fierce artistic rivalry involving smashed guitars and stolen chickens! There are more than fifty ways to love this episode, including the Renaissance splendors of “Scarborough Fair”; Gonzo’s first songwriting effort, “For You”; Paul performing “Loves Me Like a Rock” with Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem; and a running “Muppet on stilts” joke!

Guest: Melissa Manchester

27min - After the show’s opening act wipes out badly while skiing, Kermit tells Scooter to stop him if he has any more dumb ideas. Things don’t improve though: Chickens keep springing from the Swedish Chef’s pot, and the Flying Teeterini Family’s teeter board sends everyone flying. But the blindfolded yodeling hang glider act? That one’s not dumb at all! This high-flying episode features beef falling dramatically in the Muppet News Flash; the Swinetrek crew encountering a creature from the Crab Nebula in Pigs in Space; and guest star Melissa Manchester singing “Whenever I Call You Friend” with Floyd Pepper and the Muppets!

Guest: Tony Randall

24min - While perusing an old book of magic spells, guest star Tony Randall accidentally turns Miss Piggy into stone! As Tony frantically searches for a counter spell to change her back to her normal diva self, Kermit stands beside his pig in friendship, loyalty and unwavering solidarity – at least till a statue prop is needed in the next act! This hilarious episode leaves no joke unturned, with highlights that include Floyd and Gonzo making light of Piggy’s plight; the U.K. Spot “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts”; a quiet day on Pigs in Space; and guest star Tony Randall giving a dramatic reading of “The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God” while football players serenade him with a fight song!

Guest: Mac Davis

27min - When Muppet Labs’ newest invention – a copy machine – begins churning out exact copies of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew’s assistant Beaker, the complications multiply! Soon a boatload of Beakers have overrun the show, and an overwhelmed Bunsen has gone on the lam. The doctor wonders why they’re so mad – after all, he’s been a real sweetie to each of him! This episode contains myriad delights, including the be-curtained showstopper, “Another Op’nin’, Another Show”; Beakers cropping up in Bear on Patrol; and guest star Mac Davis performing “I Believe in Music” for the band as the stage…and orchestra pit…fill with Beakers. By show’s end, the takeover is complete!

Guest: Carol Burnett

27min - Kermit has booked legendary comedienne Carol Burnett as tonight’s guest star. Unfortunately, he’s also given Gonzo the go-ahead to hold a dance marathon at the same time! Now, everything Carol does is interrupted by a wild, noisy, boppin’ ballroom-full of dance-crazed Muppets. Even Animal is getting into the act…as Carol’s Gonzo-appointed partner! Meanwhile, madness runs amok with Pigs in Space as First Mate Piggy confronts a hungry alien monster! By this time, a fed-up Carol is ready to split, but she decides to stay when Kermit says she can do her famous “Lonely Asparagus” sketch – after the marathon is over – so she hatches a plot to tire out the contestants with an up-tempo rendition of “I Was Made for Dancin.’” But will her lonesome veggie routine still get nipped in the bud?

Guest: Gladys Knight

27min - Neither hail nor fog nor snow will stop the Muppets from carrying on with the show—even when all that bad weather comes through the theatre’s rotten roof! While workmen try to fix the leaks, guest star Gladys Knight gets the show on the right track with “Friendship Train”—which she performs with some Whatnots she calls the “Mup-pips”—and Signor Baffi performs his Flashing Knives of Death act—by sound! Despite all the challenges, the Muppets are thrilled with their guest star, who “sings up a storm” with a bunch of grapes and Zoot on sax in “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.”

Guest: Hal Linden

24min - After years of complaining that they could put on a much better show than Kermit, longtime hecklers Statler and Waldorf finally get their shot at hosting the whole shebang! But the tables are turned when the dissing duo discover that staging a show is a lot harder than it looks – especially when their supposedly well-planned acts devolve into unforeseen comic chaos! Shake, rattle and roll with Geri and the Atrics as they perform “Who Put the Bomp (in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp).” Laugh yourself silly at “dueling” holiday numbers when guest star Hal Linden’s Fourth of July tribute (complete with fireworks) is crashed by Gonzo’s Christmas carol medley (complete with snow). Then, fall head over heels for Hal (on the clarinet) and The Electric Mayhem band in a spirited – and surprising – rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In.”

Guest: Marty Feldman

26min - Your wish for gut-busting buffoonery is granted! Magic, mystery and comic mayhem take flight when The Muppets present their take on 1001 Arabian Nights! Guest star and master of nuttiness Marty Feldman gets his glam on as the “beautiful” princess Scheherazade, who is compelled to tell a series of mesmerizing tales to an evil Caliph (played by the Swedish Chef!). The side-splitting saga features Kermit (as Sinbad the Sailor) and a band of frogs performing “Surfin’ USA”; a madcap mashup of Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves with Goldilocks and the 3 Bears; Fozzie Bear and visiting Sesame Street cast members singing “Hot Time in the Old Time Tonight”; and a momentous, googly eyeballs-to-googly eyeballs meeting between Marty and his favorite Muppet – Cookie Monster!

Guest: Wally Boag

25min - In honor of guest star Wally Boag, who is famous for his long-running comedy act in Disneyland’s Golden Horseshoe Revue, the Muppets put on a real old-fashioned vaudeville show and everyone gets into the act! The Flying Zucchini Brothers open with their human cannonball act, and Boag creates balloon animals while explaining to the audience how he can tell a lot about a person just by the way they blow up a balloon. Miss Piggy and Foo-Foo, the Wonder Dog, perform a number of “amazing tricks,” and The Leprechaun Brothers—Swedish Chef, Animal and Beaker—make their first appearance on the show with an especially emotional rendition of “Danny Boy.”

Guest: Johnny Cash

27min - Howdy, y’all! Get set for toe-tappin’, foot stompin’ fun when the Muppets welcome the legendary “Man in Black.” In honor of his appearance, the show is being broadcast on a country-western radio station. But there’s a heap o’ trouble in store when the flashy, meaner than a polecat & tougher than a 25-cent steak radio DJ, “Big Tiny Tallsaddle,” rides roughshod over Kermit, takes over the show and bullies the regular Muppet cast. Fortunately, there’s a limit to how much mild-mannered Kermit can take before the hopping-mad frog finally puts his flipper down….While this battle of wills rages, the ultimate winner is the audience as Johnny Cash performs some of his all-time favorites including “Dirty Old Egg Sucking Dog” (which riles up Rowlf!), “Riders in the Sky” (while “outlaw” Gonzo saddles up with a herd of cattle), and a bodacious duet of “Orange Blossom Special/Jackson” with Miss Piggy, backed up by Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers.

Guest: Buddy Rich

25min - Although there appears to be a problem with the power at The Muppet Theatre, Pop assures the night’s guest star, world-famous drummer Buddy Rich, there’s nothing to worry about. Kermit kicks off the show with a little sunshine—quite literally—with the number “Good Day Sunshine.” Total pros, Fozzie and the other performers go with the flow and switch to “Dancing in the Dark” when the lights go out again. Kermit checks in to see what Rich needs to play the theatre, and the virtuoso demonstrates how little he needs by actually playing the theatre by drumming everything in sight—from his dressing room table through to the backstage banister. Beauregard, who has been trying to fix the power outage, feels that everyone is blaming him for the blackout. He goes to Buddy’s dressing room for some cheering up and together they sing “You Mustn’t Be Discouraged.” Kermit starts to feel hopeful when Dr. Bunsen Honeydew reveals he has a newly invented portable generator—a “miracle of micro electronics”—that runs on Beaker Power and features a very effective overdrive lever!

Guest: Linda Ronstadt

27min - When Miss Piggy learns a spiffed-up Kermit has a crush on the Muppets’ lovely and talented guest star, singer Linda Ronstadt—and the feeling is mutual!—she declares it’s “time for decisive action.” With help from Gonzo’s special trunk (used for storing his fungus collection), Piggy locks down her man. But Ronstadt’s admiration and affection for Kermit persist, even when he’s nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, the Swedish Chef demonstrates one way to pop a bottle of champagne, and Rowlf the Dog plays banjo and sings a hilarious song about a little boy, Benny, who keeps trying to give his cat away…but “The Cat Comes Back”! After Ronstadt, Janice and backup singers perform “The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss),” will Kermit get a kiss from Ronstadt? Get ready for a fun(gus)-filled episode!

Guest: Roger Moore

27min - The thin line between reality & make-believe blurs when Roger Moore (a.k.a. James Bond) goes “undercover” as a guest star on The Muppet Show and becomes entwined in a tangled web of wacky espionage. But nothing in Agent 007’s bag of cloak-and-dagger tricks can prepare him for the amorous machinations of his most persistent pursuer ever: Miss Piggy! Savor the sidesplitting intrigue as Piggy tries to romance the man with a license to “thrill” by singing “On a Slow Boat to China.” Let loose with laughter when, in Bear on Patrol, Chief Hogthrob and Patrol Bear are duped by a duplicitous handcuff salesman. Then, get a bang out of the battle royale that erupts between Roger and a dastardly band of spies (disguised as cute, fluffy little creatures!) as he performs “Talk to the Animals.”

Linda Ronstadt

Roger Moore